Closet Full of Boyfriends

by Devina Gunawan

Devoted boyfriends are like support bras. They don’t disappoint. They make you feel beautiful. They are always there to support you. They literally boost your confidence. Well, confidence comes in nice cleavage.

New boyfriends, to a serial dater, are like new accessories. That “Oh hey, look, I just got a new necklace. The old one was so out of date. Wait till new design comes out” sounds more like “Oh look, I got a new man. The last one was a bore. Let’s see if the next one is gonna be better…”

First boyfriends are like those old dresses you bought in middle school and never throw away. They’ve been in your closet for years and still, you can’t bring yourself to get rid of them. After all, they are good reminders of how skinny you used to be back then…when they still fit.

On and off boyfriends are those bracelets you love so much. The ones you wear for a week long before you decide that it’s time to put them aside for awhile…before putting them back on for another random week again.

Boyfriends with benefits are like your underwears. They make you feel sexy and are just attached to your holy temples. Yet they never make it public because they will always be hidden under your skirts.

Gorgeous boyfriends are like watches. The ones you constantly check every five minutes. As if they could magically disappear or leave your wrists anytime. Hopefully no one would ever steal them.

Unfaithful boyfriends are like mini skirts. Blown by the wind. They tease everyone around who get good glimpses of them. It’s almost as if they’re saying, “Come and get me… never mind, I’m taken.”

Popular boyfriends are like high heels. They make you feel taller and cooler and more admired. And they break sometimes. Because you can’t really own the perfect catwalk and save those heels unless you’re a miss popular yourself.

Long term boyfriends are like pjamas. You wake up and go to sleep in them. They are the first things and the last of your days. They have become your routine. Whatever you do, wherever you go, you will always come home to greet them.

Much older boyfriends are like blazers. They go well with everything sophisticated and simple and pretty. They give you that older, more mature, professional looks. Sometimes, they feel too big for your youthful shoulders.

Younger boyfriends are like ballerina flats. They are cute and light. They go well with babydoll tops and dresses. They remind you of your youth, that you’re young enough to wear them.

Nerdy boyfriends are like glasses. They make you look smart. They make you see things better if they keep on lecturing you on academic matters. They combine your beauty and intelligence into a sophisticated look.

Workaholic boyfriends are like those expensive belts you once bought and always lose in the closet. They are almost never there, and show up at inconvenient times to wrap themselves around your waists tightly.

“Bad boy” boyfriends are like your cocktail dresses. They bring out the best of your figures. They make you feel hotter than usual. Yet they limit your consumption since you have to watch what you eat. They have that Cinderella effects, but they end before midnight.

Artistic boyfriends are like baggy harem pants. The freedom and beauty. The “I don’t care what you think” attitude. The lack of heat, the fun breezes, the stares you receive because you’re bold and courageous. Besides, you totally pull them off.

Endgame boyfriends are like those precious diamond rings you will never ever want to take off. You will treasure them, and you will make sure to never ever lose them. You’ll cling onto them like you do your own life, because well, they will be your life.

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