When I’m Gone: My Limitations

by Devina Gunawan

Featured image by Johannes Karundeng

We are social creatures. We are bound to rely on others, to fear, to love, to hate, to trust, to lie, and to be social.

We can’t function without others.

That’s a lie.

Because if you take yourself out of the equation, you’ll see how your existence does not impact other’s existence.

Your friends breathe and continue to exist, whether you are present or not.

They live and interact with others, they have their lives and other people to care about.

The moment you stop breathing, they still breathe.

The moment you stop moving, they still move.

The moment you stop following, they still follow.

The routine.

The routine makes you believe that you impact everyone greatly.

Well, you do.

You truly do.

Your presence makes people, especially those close to you, happy.

Perhaps sad. Perhaps angry. Perhaps jealous.

When you are no longer here, they will weep and cry.

They will feel depressed. Sad. Heartbroken.

But they will still breathe. They will still live.

There will be those who will continuously mourn over your absence.

But that is the matter of the mind.

Because there are those who know how to block unwanted depression.

There are also those who choose to prolong the wake.

But their body organs will still function.

They still breathe. They still wake up in the morning, able to make changes.

And in time, they will move on, and start a routine without you.

And you will cease to be a memory. A beautiful one. The one they talk about to their friends.

The one they will miss every once in awhile. Every time they come across your old routine together.

But they still live.

And you no longer do.

Then you realize that they function without you. They live without you.

And that if the places were switched, it would have been the same.

Because we come to the world alone, and we return alone.

Our existence, whether we like it or not, is relevant. But only to a certain extent.

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