by Devina Gunawan
Have you ever loved someone, knowing that you will never have him? That feeling when you know that no matter what you do, you will never deserve him.
The joy of knowing that he had feelings for you once, the sadness of knowing that nothing ever happened, and the confusion of knowing that you would never be with him.
Well, we all have unrequited love once in awhile.
That feeling of wanting to see him happy no matter what, that which pushes you to ignore your own heart. That which drains you silently and slowly, that which kills you but you never mind.
As long as he is smiling.
Perhaps, this is meant to be. Perhaps, you were never meant to be together. Perhaps, you were never meant to receive his love because you would never deserve it anyway. Perhaps, this was and is for the best. Perhaps, this was your fate. And perhaps it was his luck, to have someone love him so much.
Perhaps this was how it was supposed to be.
Then, you see someone break his heart and you see him cry.
And you ask why it happens. Because you would never do that to him. You would never leave him the way she did, and you would never ever stop loving him.
Because you never did.
And yet, you never get that courage to tell him. Because it is unimportant. Because you have your life now and he has his. And because you know that you will never ever have his love.
So you stay by his side, as his faithful friend, listening to his cries patiently and praying for his heart’s sake.
And you remain in the place you have always been, in the shadow, in that unrequited love. Yet satisfied, the moment he starts smiling again.