by Devina Gunawan
There is a lie that we would tell ourselves to be true. That nothing is our fault. Nothing is our wrong doing. Or, the person we love.
It is easier to throw away blames at people we do not know, strangers we have not seen eye to eye with. It is the most convenient, the quickest way, and sometimes, the only option we can see.
We don’t feel bad when we do this, because we don’t even feel bad hating people we don’t care about.
We can talk trash about them and they will never find out, because they don’t even know us. We can write stories inspired by how much we hate them, and they will never know it’s about them. There is freedom in it. To throw our guilt with a stranger to take it away, far, far away from us.
I helped an old man from time to time, to reach his dreams. He had many dreams, and I did what I could to help. Because to have a dream so big and a heart so genuine, one should receive all the help he could get.
So I did what I could. I also met his family, wonderful, wonderful people I grew to admire and adore.
And one day I received a message from one of them, specifically telling me to leave them alone. To stop the progress work towards fulfilling the old man’s dream.
I was blamed for the problems in the family. I was blamed for lies and conflicts I had no idea of.
And I cried. So much. So hard.
Because really, what did I do that was so wrong? I loved them. I really did, and still do. I only wanted what was best for the old man and everyone else.
I felt stabbed by a dagger, but I apologized to them. Because it was never my intention to hurt anyone.
And I get it.
I am the stranger to throw the blames upon. I am the source of evil to take away the guilt and the pain.
And as much as it hurts, a huge part of me believes that if blaming me for everything could help them heal, then perhaps they are doing what is best. And perhaps, it is best to blame me and save their relationship.
What am I in comparison to their family?
I do wish that they will solve their conflicts and find peace again. I do hope that things will be better for them. And I do wish them all the very best.