An Open Letter to Those Who Think I Care Too Much

By Devina Gunawan

Your life is full of choices. And they’re all yours.

Now, I’m taking some time today to write this out, just so that someday if an assumption or accusation appears, I have this written out already.

I am sure that many of you out there can relate to this. When people suddenly broadcast you attacking them just because you say something that they take personally.

But people, no, I do not care what your life choices are.

I am loud when it comes to womanhood. Be it objectification, discrimination, or inequality in workforce, I am blunt in telling people what I like and don’t.

It is my opinion, and if you tell me you prefer the world fully patriarchal then that’s cool. I don’t have problems with different opinions. We all grew up in different settings.

But if you take my comments personally and make it look like I “attacked” you, well that’s just too far.

First of all, there are things everyone likes and hates.

And I do not like women degrading themselves in any way. I prefer empowerment.

So when I talk about that, and when I need examples and “you” cross my mind because you are associated with whatever topic I discuss, then I’ll use you as a reference.

So what if I am talking about objectification and how some women dress very minimalist and you cross my mind? And this is when you post all over Facebook and Instagram, photos of you in lingerie and cocktail dresses.

Or if I talk about women roles and how some women submit to their husbands and you cross my mind? And this is when you post photos and status on pleasing your husband and how you must obey him every few hours.

Doesn’t mean I hate you. Doesn’t mean I think your judgment is poor. I just think there are better ways to approach something and I will openly tell you that I think there are other ways.

But no, I do not care what you do or what you wear. I don’t care if you think you’re some hot shot and the world revolves around you.

And when your name is mentioned, it is for an example. You choose to display yourself in a certain way, so why are you upset that people associate you with exactly what you depict yourself as?

If you choose to dress as a hippie, why are you angry that people comment on your hippie outfits?

If you choose to use drugs, why are you mad that people use you as an example to a drug user? Especially when you make it public.

So why mad, Homo sapiens?

You were given choices to display yourself in public however you want. You get what you ask for. You are judged by what you decide to show off to others.

Why do you want people to call you “perfect student” when your page is full of photos of you skipping classes and cheating? How does that even make sense?

And don’t blame anyone, or me, to use you as an example to a topic if it is similar to you.

You think we talk badly about you. You think we trash talk you behind your backs.

But to be honest, you aren’t that special. You are an example to a topic. You are not the topic.

And you build up an image of yourself; and when you get exactly what your profile displays, you get upset and you blame people for ‘misjudging’ you.

I don’t fidget when a friend looks me in the eye and tells me that I’m a horrible bruja. That I’m mean and cold, and that I talk too much. I don’t flinch. Because I display myself the way I am. I am blunt and honest, and I have opinions. I hate gossiping about people, but I do talk about topics and things that matter to me. And if you happen to cross my mind in a private talk when I try to come up with an example, that doesn’t mean I trash talk you.

I know people trash talk me, and I don’t get mad. I keep my life private, and what upsets me is when people look at my profile and assume that I am attacking them.

Unless your name is mentioned and is highlighted and bolded, it isn’t an attack to you.

You aren’t that special. I don’t have time to trash talk you. And I certainly don’t care enough.

And if you care that much about your image, then perhaps you should look at your profile and do some clean up. If you care about people thinking you are too liberal, then take down those photos of you in wild cult parties and supporting what the conservatives find unorthodox. It is your choice after all, first and foremost.

The world just follows through.

As you want. They way you have led them on all this time.

So you blame the world for taking your hints?

Please, take a good look at your profile and your display and ask yourself, “If I were someone else looking at this image, what would I say?”

And you can look however you want. It is your life after all.

But to me, using your displayed image as an example when I talk about something does not mean I attack you. I just think some things remind me of you.

So this is my letter to all of you who feel ‘betrayed.’

Because no, I don’t hate you or your choices. They’re your responsibilities, and you deal with the consequences, which just happen to be assumptions and guesses about you, and you know what, deal with it.

People have their own lives and business. And unless they’re reporters and you’re Mrs. Carter, I doubt that they are talking about you. And last time I checked, I’m no reporter and you’re no Mrs. Carter.