It would be me

Stillness. Silence. 

And my heartbeat died, slowly pacing itself back to the emptiness.

This time I had chosen myself. 

Not you, not them, not her, not him, but me. 

And the loneliness would soon come after. 

But life would go on this way. When I had come into life alone, I shall leave alone too. 

Those who had been and would be there for me, I forever cherish. 

But forgive me for choosing me. 

I had not loved you less. I had not thought of you less. 

It is the way I am. And nothing can change it. 

Perhaps it would hurt you and them, and perhaps it would hurt me. But what choice would I have?

What would choosing other people’s happiness and abandoning my own do to me in the long run?

Would it build me up? Or would it one day explode in a mad depression and panic episodes?

Stillness. It got dark and lonely now. 

Because in this long journey, I’m my best chance at surviving